Ash and the Portrait of What Looked Like a Large Pile of Betrayal
by SilverRockets
Summary: The adventures of Ash Ketchum have been nothing but exciting, incredible and badly written throughout his strangely long life. But now that he's at the end of the line will he be able to live up to the legend of being a protagonist and rise above all challenges? Who knows, certainly not the writer of this fic who wrote this while downing a bottle of cider. A Christmas drunkfic.


The sun scorched Ash and his friends' spirits as they walked, as hot as a thousand thunderbolts before the Unova season nerf.

In front of them lay the route leading towards the next city, a vast and endless expanse of flat land full of tall grass that somehow also was a dark forest. The two tended to blur together lately, for some reason.

After a few more minutes of walking he stopped, startling his two companions who looked at him with a mix of surprise, reverence and probably lust or something.

"What's wrong, Satoshi-kun?" asked Serena, tilting her head to the side, her beautiful golden locks moving with her. "Have you sensed danger with your aura powers?"

"Or maybe he sensed a cooking context nearby!" exclaimed Cilan, turning to the side and winking to the invisible audience as he spoke.

Ash did not respond for a few moments, instead choosing to look up at the moon shining brightly above. Indeed, his mastery over the power of aura had warned him of the upcoming darkness brought by what some people called _night_. Had he not realized such a subtle change in the environment his friends might've tripped on an unseen rock or something similarly dangerous.

Such was the burden of a Chosen One; to have such absolute and overwhelming power and have to constantly use it for the benefit of others. But he was fine with that, for his compassion and benevolence (not to mention his masterful knowledge of Pokemon battles) were the only things greater than his power.

"We've been traversing this frozen tundra for hours looking for the path to Snowpoint City," he declared, his voice booming with the strength and manliness of a pack of Explouds. "Let us seek refuge, my best friends Misty and Tracy."

It didn't take long to find a cave big enough to hide from the sandstorm approaching through the desert; about as long as it took any girl he encountered to fall in love with him. So one or two scenes at most.

They fell to their knees as soon as they entered, cartoonishly large drops of sweat appearing at the side of their heads. With herculean effort Ash got to his feet after the grueling two minutes of walking, and examined the cave further. It would probably be good enough to last them the entire night while the eruption slid past the volcano they were trapped in. If he were lucky maybe he'd even be able to squeeze in a smut chapter or two with his lovely girl companion; a version of Cynthia that had traveled through time until she was the same age as him.

"Do you think this will protect us from the tornado storms, Satoshi-kun?" asked May, grabbing him by the arm playfully.

"Yeah, there's not even a Nurse Joy nearby so I can be creepy and (for some strange people) funny!" Brock complained.

"I'm afraid nothing will save us tonight, my friends," Ash said, his voice tinted with resignation. "Ever since Pikachu and Charizard died while saving me from my own father, Giovanni, I've lost all my powers and now stand helpless against this predicament."

He took a drag of his cigarette as he looked around the cave some more, wistfully remembering the good old days. That's when he noticed something written on a nearby wall, something so surprising and dastardly evil that he couldn't help but fall to his knees in misery, tears running down his face.

 _Gary was here! – Ash is a loser!_

"Damn you Gary!" he screamed to the heavens, pounding the ground with his fists. "And after you killed everyone in Pallet Town once you turned evil; how could you do this again!?"

He felt familiar hands close around his arm, and slowly he was lifted to his feet by his girlfriend: Dawn. She smiled happily, her beautiful ocular orbs burning with the love of a thousand anime heart eyes.

"Thank you, my dear," he said, attempting to smile. "I do need to look on the bright side, at least this can't get any wors-"

An explosion of pain interrupted his upcoming heartfelt speech, replacing it with coughs of blood as he stared in horror to the knife dug into his back. In front of him Iris formed a stretched out, evil smile that ran his blood cold. The metaphorical one, not the one currently staining his back which felt quite hot.

"Ha! You fool!" She pointed at him and laughed. "To think you'd be so easily tricked by someone who's never shown any signs of evil intentions, what a complete idiot!"

"N-no! How could this be!? Betrayed by my friends for the fifth time!" he spoke between garbles as he spat out blood. "But… you were the person I loved the most after Brock!"

"Watch in despair then, as your most loved one dies before you!"

Ash turned towards Brock, who was lying on a puddle of blood with an open wound in his chest. The man raised his shaking hand towards him and tried to speak:

"W…witty dialogue that adds nothing to the story…" were his last words, just before he collapsed dead.

"No, Max!" Ash yelled in anguish. "How could you do this!? How did you even kill him without me noticing!?

"You petulant worm!" exclaimed Misty, her eyes shining red from how evil she was. "I am not your friend; I am your daughter from the future! I've been kidnapped by Giovanni, trained to kill you and then sent back in time to do just that!"

Ash gasped in surprise, "C-curses! This is worse than that time all my abandoned Pokemon wrote a callout post for me on Tumblr!"

"Oh, but it will be worse than that my dear Ash," she put a hand over her mouth as she giggled. "For you see… you're already dead!"

Indeed, he could feel his consciousness leave him, the landscape around him turning blurry. In his last moments of life, he looked up at his evil daughter and uttered his final words:

"You… motherfucker."

When Ash woke up, he noticed he was in a perfectly white and empty train station. Next to him stood a tall old man, both his hair and long beard a shining silver.

"Is this real or just inside my mind?" he asked, his voice suddenly sounding british.

"That does not matter my child, the answer would probably be unsatisfying anyway," the old man said, shaking his head. "Now we must discuss your future, Ash."

"But… I'm dead," he argued. "Aren't I?"

The old man nodded wistfully, "Perhaps now, but Arceus has deemed you worthy enough to have a second chance. He will send you back in time to the start of your journey so you can prevent all of this from happening, and also you'll have a Riolu egg from the beginning."

"Will I get my aura powers from the beginning as well?" he pondered.

"What kind of terrible story would this be if you didn't?"

Ash nodded; the man in front of him was very wise indeed. After a few moments he felt his form fading, and the station grew brighter as it disappeared all around him.

"Now you must go, Ash."

"But… there is so much I still want to ask you," Ash said. "What's that fetus looking thing suffering under the bench? Is it important or are you just trying to make me think?"

"All in its due time, Ash. Now you must go back and become the hero you were meant to be."

Ash nodded, "Will I ever see you again, old man?"

"Whenever you fall unconscious and need to waste the reader's time, I'll be here."

And with that Ash's body exploded in a ball of light, teleporting him to the first day of his journey in Pallet town.

He would not let things play out the same way, he swore himself. This time, he would absolutely kill Gary before it was too late.


End file.
